A simple bowl of hot cereal.
I decide to have a bowl of hot cereal on this very cold morning. ("Have you considered green smoothies? They are the best way to start your day.") ("Cereal? Have you thought about a veggie omelet? It's really important to start your day with protein.") ("I'm not hungry in the morning, I usually skip breakfast.")
I've burnt the bottom of my smallest sauce pan so I decide to make it in the microwave. ("A microwave? Are you kidding me? Don't you know they change the molecular structure of your food?!? Not to mention the radiation they leak.") ("Oh, I couldn't live without my microwave! It makes heating up leftovers so much easier and the kids can make their own hot chocolate.")
I get out my Bob's Red Mill Creamy Wheat Farina ("You eat wheat?!?! Don't you know that eating grains causes inflammation, ruins your digestion and is really bad for you?) ("Is that wheat whole grain? You really should only eat whole grains.) ("That sounds so nice. I love how content I feel after eating a bowl of hot cereal on a cold day. It reminds me of when I was a kid and my mom made hot cereal for us in the winter.")
I get out my organic raisins. ("You are mixing fruit and grains? Don't you know that you should always eat fruit first thing in the morning and *then* eat your cereal?") ("Organic is good! Got to avoid those pesticides. But where are they from, are they local?") ("Raisins? Ick!! Raisins look like bugs in my cereal. I can't believe you like raisins.")
Once my creamy wheat is cooked to the point of being creamy, I add in some butter. ("Butter? Is it organic? Is it local?") ("Animal fats are really good for you, since you're a vegetarian it's good that you eat butter.") ("Butter? Don't you know that butter leads to high cholesterol?" ) ("Butter? Why would you add fat to such a great low fat food?")
And then I add a touch of soymilk. ("Seriously? You still drink soymilk? Haven't read the studies? Soymilk is so bad for you! Have you considered raw cow milk?") ("I love soymilk on my cereal. It makes me so happy to know that I am not supporting the veal industry, and it's good for me, too.") ("Soymilk? Have you considered a nut milk? Or maybe hemp? That would be so much better for your body.")
Finally, I sprinkle the top with brown sugar. ("Refined sugar? You eat grains and refined sugar?!?! Do you want to end up with diabetes? Don't know know that sugar destroys your immune system. I seriously thought you were smarter than that!") ("Have you considered honey? Honey from local bees would be best. And make sure it's raw.") ("Oh yum, I love brown sugar! I can eat it by the spoonful!")
And I sit down at the computer. ("You eat at the computer? Don't you know about mindful eating?") ("You eat alone at the computer? Don't you eat together as a family? Families that eat together all the time have better relationships.")
And I enjoy eating my cereal.
I think about my friends for whom eating a bowl of wheat cereal would result in an immediate and unpleasant response in their bodies. I think about how thankful I am that I have food to eat, raisins for my cereal and butter in the fridge. I think about the people who would take my simple bowl of cereal, one meal on one day of my life, and turn it into something tragic, some horrific act against my health, a social cause and reason for political action, an excuse to get up on their soap box and bang on their pans (should those be aluminum free, cast iron, soap stone or stainless steel?) And then there are those people who would barely give what I'm eating a second thought as they continued on with their own lives.
And I wonder. Why is what I eat so important to you? You probably don't even know me. Why do you care so much about my bowl of hot cereal? Does my way of eating threaten your way of eating? Do you think that everyone on the planet should eat exactly like you do? What button is my bowl of cereal pushing? If you do know me well you might know that some days I do have green smoothies and some days I have a veggie omelet. Some days I just eat fruit in the morning and some days I have a nice soothing bowl of creamy wheat farina.
May your pantry be full, your fridge over flowing and I hope you enjoy whatever you eat today.
Showing posts with label healthy eating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label healthy eating. Show all posts
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Friday, December 31, 2010
Food as Love
Moms and food go together. We imagine moms making chocolate chip cookies to go with the milk for the after school snack. Jewish mothers, Italian mothers, and many others stereotypically encourage even their grown children to eat more. Cooking food is how they show their love for you, eating more of what they cook is proof that you love them. In some families dads and food go together, too. Food is not just about calories and fuel for our bodies. The messages that go into the bowl along with the soup are many and complex.
We have a particularly full figured cat. He was large when we adopted him from the shelter and despite all efforts on my part he is still 20 pounds of food fixated feline. Sometimes, when he is staring hopefully at me, while sitting attentively by his bowl, I sing him a song, 'Love is better than food, Love is better than food, Love is better than, Love is better than, Love is better than food." But for him, and for many people, food is love.
I have watched people making my children food: special treats, family recipes, or something they are positive my children will not only like but love. When my children do not like this food, specially prepared for them, the preparer takes it personally. They are disappointed, but it is more than that, they feel rejected because their offering of food has been rejected. Even if the person rejecting the food is three years old, even if the person rejecting the food does so politely.
Food is personal. It is entangled with our culture, childhood, and our memories happy and sad. In a world that can feel big and scary food can be a comfort. We eat foods in hopes of preventing terrible diseases and we avoid foods because we believe they will cause us harm. For some people food is the focus of their Fanaticism. Food is also social, it brings people together and is shared at celebrations and holidays of all types. For people who live with life threatening allergies or diseases like Celiac Disease, living a safe and healthy life among the other food eaters can be challenging and even dangerous.
No matter what our own relationship is with food, our children are born with their own particular set of taste buds, metabolism, sensitivities and tolerances. Our children are born with their own preferences and those preferences expand as our children explore the world and try new things. We can try and make our children eat according to our schedule and expectations, our own preferences and sensitivities. We can try to brainwash our children so that they believe exactly the same things we do about food and nutrition and health. We can try to control and manipulate our children's relationship with food. On the other hand, we can accept our children for who they are. We can respect that they are a different people than we are and what they eat, how and when they eat it, may be drastically different. We can aim to be a Family of Connected Individuals in regards to food as well. We can also remember that our children are going to be in the world, playing at friends' houses, going to school, visiting relatives, shopping in stores, and they are going to be exposed to a wide variety of foods, as well as a lot of different information and ideas about diet and nutrition. They are going to have the opportunity to make choices about food, even if we never give them choices at home.
When we focus on our relationship with our children, instead of on their relationship with food; when we explore life, and food, along side of them as partners, we are available as a resource and a support system. When we have a relationship built on trust and connection, our children know that they can come to us and discuss their thoughts and ideas without being judged, criticized or shamed. When we can let go of our expectations our children are free to express what foods they like or do not like without fears of disappointing us or being forced to eat something.
As parents who love their children we want them to be healthy and we often jump right from that thought to food. We are deeply invested in what they eat, how much they eat and when they eat. Perhaps we are missing out on the importance of Why they eat. Why do your kids eat what, how much and when they eat? Do your kids eat because they are hungry? Do your kids eat foods they enjoy? Do your kids eat as much or as little as feels right to them at the time? Or, do your kids eat because you have told them it is time to eat? Do your kids eat foods because you told them that they have to, or because they want to please you? Do your kids eat the amount you put on their plate because they know they have to eat it all? Do your kids eat to please you?
When we focus on our relationship with our children, instead of on their relationship with food, we can share the joy and pleasure that food brings to our lives. We can share our relationship with food with our children and they can share their relationship with food with us, an exchange of ideas and experiences. Together we can learn and grow as a family with healthy relationships with food and with each other.
We have a particularly full figured cat. He was large when we adopted him from the shelter and despite all efforts on my part he is still 20 pounds of food fixated feline. Sometimes, when he is staring hopefully at me, while sitting attentively by his bowl, I sing him a song, 'Love is better than food, Love is better than food, Love is better than, Love is better than, Love is better than food." But for him, and for many people, food is love.
I have watched people making my children food: special treats, family recipes, or something they are positive my children will not only like but love. When my children do not like this food, specially prepared for them, the preparer takes it personally. They are disappointed, but it is more than that, they feel rejected because their offering of food has been rejected. Even if the person rejecting the food is three years old, even if the person rejecting the food does so politely.
Food is personal. It is entangled with our culture, childhood, and our memories happy and sad. In a world that can feel big and scary food can be a comfort. We eat foods in hopes of preventing terrible diseases and we avoid foods because we believe they will cause us harm. For some people food is the focus of their Fanaticism. Food is also social, it brings people together and is shared at celebrations and holidays of all types. For people who live with life threatening allergies or diseases like Celiac Disease, living a safe and healthy life among the other food eaters can be challenging and even dangerous.
No matter what our own relationship is with food, our children are born with their own particular set of taste buds, metabolism, sensitivities and tolerances. Our children are born with their own preferences and those preferences expand as our children explore the world and try new things. We can try and make our children eat according to our schedule and expectations, our own preferences and sensitivities. We can try to brainwash our children so that they believe exactly the same things we do about food and nutrition and health. We can try to control and manipulate our children's relationship with food. On the other hand, we can accept our children for who they are. We can respect that they are a different people than we are and what they eat, how and when they eat it, may be drastically different. We can aim to be a Family of Connected Individuals in regards to food as well. We can also remember that our children are going to be in the world, playing at friends' houses, going to school, visiting relatives, shopping in stores, and they are going to be exposed to a wide variety of foods, as well as a lot of different information and ideas about diet and nutrition. They are going to have the opportunity to make choices about food, even if we never give them choices at home.
When we focus on our relationship with our children, instead of on their relationship with food; when we explore life, and food, along side of them as partners, we are available as a resource and a support system. When we have a relationship built on trust and connection, our children know that they can come to us and discuss their thoughts and ideas without being judged, criticized or shamed. When we can let go of our expectations our children are free to express what foods they like or do not like without fears of disappointing us or being forced to eat something.
As parents who love their children we want them to be healthy and we often jump right from that thought to food. We are deeply invested in what they eat, how much they eat and when they eat. Perhaps we are missing out on the importance of Why they eat. Why do your kids eat what, how much and when they eat? Do your kids eat because they are hungry? Do your kids eat foods they enjoy? Do your kids eat as much or as little as feels right to them at the time? Or, do your kids eat because you have told them it is time to eat? Do your kids eat foods because you told them that they have to, or because they want to please you? Do your kids eat the amount you put on their plate because they know they have to eat it all? Do your kids eat to please you?
When we focus on our relationship with our children, instead of on their relationship with food, we can share the joy and pleasure that food brings to our lives. We can share our relationship with food with our children and they can share their relationship with food with us, an exchange of ideas and experiences. Together we can learn and grow as a family with healthy relationships with food and with each other.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
"What makes us fat is...."
It seems that everyone has some theory about what foods make us fat, which foods are evil, and what foods will cure every known illness. The list of what not to eat keeps growing, as does the list of what you absolutely must eat if you are going to be healthy. Most parents want their children to be healthy and often that includes not wanting their children to be fat. Because of this parents often enforce rules and restrictions about food, convinced that it is in the best interest of their children. Parents may be completely unconditional and uncontrolling in every other area, but remain rigid and restrictive when it comes to food.
Recently a friend was posting gluten free recipes on facebook, which makes sense since she lives with Celiac Disease, and one of her friends asked if it was the flour, the gluten or the carbohydrates that make us fat. Well guess what? Baring any real health issues, none of those things "make us fat."
Before I go any further let me point out that how much someone weighs is no indication of their level of health, fitness or happiness. It is entirely possible to be a well rounded person and to be happier and healthier than a person who wears a size 0.
What should matter to us is whether or not our children have a healthy relationship with food. The question "What food makes us fat?" is not the question I want to ask in relation to my own body or the bodies of my family. I would rather ask: What makes us feel good? How does food bring us joy? How do we ensure that our children have a healthy relationship with food? The answer to that last question is Trust. We must trust that our children know what is best for their bodies. When we trust our children, we give them the space they need to learn about their own bodies and what their bodies need. Our children will create their own relationships with food. When we try and control that process we get in the way of their ability to know what they really need. We cause them to doubt their own wisdom, we pass along our own food issues, we get in the way. We must accept that different bodies need different foods. We must remember that people have all different shaped bodies, and not hold one up as ideal or healthiest. When we explore life with our children we can be a resource of information, but we must be careful that we are giving them accurate information. When it comes to food it can be hard to know what the truth is. The best way to find out the truth about food is to try different things and pay attention to our bodies. It may be true that if I eat 2 Red Vines I feel sick, but my daughter may be able to eat a whole package without feeling any affect. When I tell my daughter,"If you eat more of those you will feel sick," I am telling her my truth. However, if she eats more and does not feel sick then she knows that my truth is not her truth, and I become less trust worthy when it comes to providing information about food and its affects on her body. It is more helpful when I say, "If I eat more than two I feel sick, how do they make you feel?"
When it comes to food, what are you afraid of? Are you afraid that your children will get some terrible disease? Are you worried about what the grandparents will say if your child tends to be chubby? Are you afraid your children will have the same issues around food that you have, even as you are creating new food issues that your children will be struggling with their entire lives? Fear makes our world smaller. We need to embrace food as we embrace life. We need to celebrate the joy and pleasure that comes from sharing food with our families. We need to let go of our fears. Look around you and notice what people are eating. You will see that there are people living joyful lives eating all kinds of foods. You will also notice that people who eat "healthy foods" get sick some times and people who eat "junk food" can be healthy. You may notice that in families where children make their own choices about food those choices are diverse, nutritious and as individual as the children.
Remember: nothing is more important than your relationship with your children, and that includes food. Your relationship with your child can directly impact their relationship with food. Some people who have an unhealthy relationship with food do so because they learned to use food to self-sooth. The struggle some adults have with food and weight can be a mirror of the struggles they faced in their childhood for acceptance and love, a reaction to the controls or restrictions adults placed on foods, or a response to the messages they received about their body shape or size. Children who grow up with unconditional love, in a family with strong connections and trusting relationships, are more likely to have a healthy relationship with their body and with food. Children in these families have been able to explore a variety of foods and eating patterns, listen to their bodies, and figure out what they need to eat to feel healthy.
If food is creating conflict or power struggles in your family think about the messages you are sending to your children. Do you use guilt, fear, bribes or threats to get your children to eat what you think they should eat? Are your children learning to listen to their bodies? Are you telling them how food can make them fat and unhealthy, or are you supporting them in becoming healthy individuals who enjoy food? Unless your child has a severe allergy or a serious health issue nothing they choose to eat is going to hurt them as much as the disconnect in your relationship that is caused when you try to control what they are eating.
Nothing is more important than your relationship with your children, and that includes food.
Recently a friend was posting gluten free recipes on facebook, which makes sense since she lives with Celiac Disease, and one of her friends asked if it was the flour, the gluten or the carbohydrates that make us fat. Well guess what? Baring any real health issues, none of those things "make us fat."
Before I go any further let me point out that how much someone weighs is no indication of their level of health, fitness or happiness. It is entirely possible to be a well rounded person and to be happier and healthier than a person who wears a size 0.
What should matter to us is whether or not our children have a healthy relationship with food. The question "What food makes us fat?" is not the question I want to ask in relation to my own body or the bodies of my family. I would rather ask: What makes us feel good? How does food bring us joy? How do we ensure that our children have a healthy relationship with food? The answer to that last question is Trust. We must trust that our children know what is best for their bodies. When we trust our children, we give them the space they need to learn about their own bodies and what their bodies need. Our children will create their own relationships with food. When we try and control that process we get in the way of their ability to know what they really need. We cause them to doubt their own wisdom, we pass along our own food issues, we get in the way. We must accept that different bodies need different foods. We must remember that people have all different shaped bodies, and not hold one up as ideal or healthiest. When we explore life with our children we can be a resource of information, but we must be careful that we are giving them accurate information. When it comes to food it can be hard to know what the truth is. The best way to find out the truth about food is to try different things and pay attention to our bodies. It may be true that if I eat 2 Red Vines I feel sick, but my daughter may be able to eat a whole package without feeling any affect. When I tell my daughter,"If you eat more of those you will feel sick," I am telling her my truth. However, if she eats more and does not feel sick then she knows that my truth is not her truth, and I become less trust worthy when it comes to providing information about food and its affects on her body. It is more helpful when I say, "If I eat more than two I feel sick, how do they make you feel?"
When it comes to food, what are you afraid of? Are you afraid that your children will get some terrible disease? Are you worried about what the grandparents will say if your child tends to be chubby? Are you afraid your children will have the same issues around food that you have, even as you are creating new food issues that your children will be struggling with their entire lives? Fear makes our world smaller. We need to embrace food as we embrace life. We need to celebrate the joy and pleasure that comes from sharing food with our families. We need to let go of our fears. Look around you and notice what people are eating. You will see that there are people living joyful lives eating all kinds of foods. You will also notice that people who eat "healthy foods" get sick some times and people who eat "junk food" can be healthy. You may notice that in families where children make their own choices about food those choices are diverse, nutritious and as individual as the children.
Remember: nothing is more important than your relationship with your children, and that includes food. Your relationship with your child can directly impact their relationship with food. Some people who have an unhealthy relationship with food do so because they learned to use food to self-sooth. The struggle some adults have with food and weight can be a mirror of the struggles they faced in their childhood for acceptance and love, a reaction to the controls or restrictions adults placed on foods, or a response to the messages they received about their body shape or size. Children who grow up with unconditional love, in a family with strong connections and trusting relationships, are more likely to have a healthy relationship with their body and with food. Children in these families have been able to explore a variety of foods and eating patterns, listen to their bodies, and figure out what they need to eat to feel healthy.
If food is creating conflict or power struggles in your family think about the messages you are sending to your children. Do you use guilt, fear, bribes or threats to get your children to eat what you think they should eat? Are your children learning to listen to their bodies? Are you telling them how food can make them fat and unhealthy, or are you supporting them in becoming healthy individuals who enjoy food? Unless your child has a severe allergy or a serious health issue nothing they choose to eat is going to hurt them as much as the disconnect in your relationship that is caused when you try to control what they are eating.
Nothing is more important than your relationship with your children, and that includes food.
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